Me and my little man decided to have some quality time together. So, for main course we have roast chicken, potato wedges and ratatouille. My first time making a roast and first time making ratatouille on my own and it was delicious! Empty plates all round!
For pudding we made fairy cakes with butter icing! 
I am worrying about everything at the moment, even the things I can not control. Yet I will try my hardest to get through whatever faces me. I can get through everything like I always manage to do.
It is 04.06am and I am still awake. Just why? This is clearly not normal.
There is no point going to sleep now when your partners alarm is due to go off in less then one hour.
Another reason why I can not fall asleep just now is because I have an appointment later this morning. Another one this month already, and I can not miss it as it’s one of my ‘support networks’ in order to get better.
If I fall asleep I will sleep through every alarm, every notification and phone call I receive. My mother used to say to me ‘an atomic bomb could go off next to you and you wouldn’t wake up’ it’s kinda difficult to be a very deep sleeper.
My brain is working overtime aswell so I have hundreds of thoughts running around, bouncing off the edges with no final destination. Not easy to shut off when that is happening.
The sun is coming up for a new day and the birds have started to chirp outside. Think it’s time to see what today has to offer.
So it’s 03.21am and I am lying here looking into space thinking that I really should be asleep, thinking I should of at least had a few hours kip by now… but no, my brain decides to work overtime and will not shut off. It’s quite annoying to be honest when you really feel emotionally and physically drained of all energy and you need rest, yet your head thinks otherwise. It could be due to the fact I had to open some doors in there yesterday at a shrink appointment that should stay shut but it’s all part of the process in order to get better.
Here’s hoping I get some sleep soon.
Exhausted.
So far so good on this front.. we are getting on better then ever now, so I think it won’t be long till we fall out considering the good spells don’t last more then 7months at a time. So I will enjoy it while it lasts as he does mean the world to me. Plus he is the only person supporting me through all.
He has been very supportive with me this past week with everything going on at once, which is brilliant as I could not of coped without him. I am not strong enough to deal with all myself yet or there will be really bad consequences if I even tried.
Every night he has came in and gave me a cuddle straight away. You might laugh here but it’s the simple things in life that you need to have or you would be deemed insane.
We are smiling more and that’s a good thing, even though our moods are topsy turvy. We are taking one day at a time and see where that takes us.
I should really learn to stop pushing him away when I have problems because trying to deal with them myself will just stress me out and neither I nor he wants me to overdo it. He is not the enemy so I have to try remember that.
Going to start making plans and getting them done as spending time with him makes me smile. I always have self doubt and he always makes sure he removes it for me.
So this week I have started to meditate as a new technique recommended by my physc who recommended the app ‘insight timer’ and so far it’s been really good. I should of thought about doing this years ago, and I have managed to get a few more hours sleep which is a bonus! Doesn’t matter what others think about it, a few minutes for myself a day is not hard to ask for.
It's only little me 